If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you must have found out that it’s not all about great chemistry and romantic love. Relationships can be tough and most of us make them even tougher by behaving in a toxic way or enduring the toxic behaviour of the partner. Here are ten habits that you should quit, if you want the relationship to last.
1. Taking everything personally
Sometimes we tend to feel that every single thing our partner says or does has an implication for our relationship. He may be just tired from work but you think he’s angry with you for some reason. The truth is that not everything he does is about you. Remember this, remind yourself that there are other factors that can influence someone’s mood and behaviour and your life will be easier.
2. Getting your way. Always!
We’ve said it more than once but we’ll say it again. A happy, balanced relationship is about compromise, not about you getting your way every time because your needs and wants are more important than his, and because controlling every situation is so important for you, you’ve come to think of it as equal to a happy relationship.
3. Letting him get his way
The other extreme, of always conceding to your partner’s needs and desires, is equally toxic. You may think you’re being more reasonable than him, when you end an argument by accepting his opinion and sacrificing yours, but over time this can start weighing on you. Balance, remember.
4. Exaggerating
When we’re in love we often make mountains out of molehills. That’s a dangerous habit – it can ruin the happiness you deserve. Every time you start fretting about some little thing, stop and try to think logically about the situation. Nine times out of ten there will be a logical reason for your partner’s behaviour.
5. Mistrust
Trust is something we earn, it’s not a given. But turning a blind eye to everything that tells you you can trust your partner is one of the most toxic habits you can have in your relationship. Maybe you’re just feeling insecure and that’s why you secretly check the log on his phone? Give this some thought.
6. Comparing with other couples
Every relationship is different, because relationships involve different individuals. Don’t think that yours is worse than your best friend’s, just because they look like they never argue and are always happy together. No couple is permanently happy.
7. Comparing with past relationships
Arguably, this is even worse than comparisons with other couples. Whenever you catch yourself sighing about a past relationship that you think made you feel happier than your current one, think of the reasons why that relationship ended. Chances are, you’ll get back to your senses. Unless, of course, that relationship was indeed more fulfilling than the current one.
8. Avoiding confrontation
Some people are really scared of open confrontation and would do everything they can to avoid it, even if it means neglecting their own needs and desires. That doesn’t sound very healthy, does it? Confrontations don’t necessarily mean an all-out scandal, you can express disagreement in a calm, reasonable way.
9. Mission: teaching
You might think that if you put enough effort into it, you will be able to change your partner for the better. That if you refuse him something, he’ll learn to be more caring. That if you hint about what you want instead of saying it directly – will make him more intuitive. Give it up, adults can seldom be changed so radically and, besides, why did you get together with this person if you think he’s so imperfect in the first place?
10. Loving the drama
Yes, some of us have a heightened sense of the dramatic and wouldn’t miss a chance to stage a three-act play. This love for drama has to do with about three of the bad habits listed so far, but it’s more complex than them. Threatening to leave him because he forgot your anniversary is a bit over the top, don’t you think? Especially if you’re clearly aware that he’s been having problems at work or with his family.
Stay happy, love and be loved!
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